I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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