Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
