Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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