i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
