Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
