Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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