the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
This baby is an asshole
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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