I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
