Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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