There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
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