Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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