i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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