this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
