i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
