just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
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