i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
