Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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