He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
