you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
