Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
