Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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