I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
