Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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