It's like a parade of train wrecks.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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