he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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