Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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