dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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