oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
