i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
