the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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