You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
