Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
