Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
