Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
