he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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