Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I need to calm my uterus...
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
