Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize