Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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