I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
