I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize