Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
