K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
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