I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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