Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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