i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
