margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Randomize