I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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