so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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