u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize