ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
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