I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
