Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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