Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
