She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
