just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
