ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
