She said her name was "party"
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize