Only a mothe r could love this liver
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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