Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
