You made me cry and you don't even care
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
