I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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