How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
