She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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