i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
its liver damage thursday
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize