Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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