you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
i think my cat just said my name.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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