Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
