you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
