i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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