I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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