Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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