I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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