69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize