please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
