Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
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