I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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