my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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